Reflections.....

I cannot believe that it has been over two months since my last post! I have missed blogging so many of Riley's milestones due to the chaos and busyness of having a two year old in our home! Nevertheless if anyone still reads this, I vow to do better. I have so many pictures to post and stories to tell. Where to begin for the moment?

I would like to be totally honest when I say that this whole adoption process has not been what I expected. It has been much more overwhelming and not to our timeline. The process, the waiting time, and then the climax--receiving our beautiful child and beginning the happily ever after moments. It has been very difficult for me this summer to transition to being a "balanced" mama to my precious little one. Maybe that is why I feel like I couldn't blog my true feelings. After all, people don't talk about the bad or negative emotions related to their children, especially after waiting 4 years to finally have her in my arms!

I feel like I accurately expressed my feelings in China. We really did have a fabulous trip and such warm memories of our travels and the wonderful people we met during our journey in Riley's homeland. I was feeling overwhelmed and out of control when it came to mothering Riley in China, which I know is totally normal. Everything was so new for me and especially for Riley getting use to all of us and mourning everything that had been ripped away from her. Even during all this, I was so blessed by God to have my prayers answered and for Riley to want her new Mama and to be such a cuddle-bug with me. Not everyone gets this, and I will forever be grateful for those early bonding moments.

During the summer months, we have tried to get back to life as normal. However, we all quickly realized that there would now be a "new normal." Riley has dictated when we sleep, when we run errands, when David and I have a meaningful conversation, when we cut grass, etc. You get the picture. Everything changed and I don't know why it shocked us so, especially me. We have done this before many moons ago, but this time has seemed even more difficult for me to find my bearings and feel in control of my life again. I thought the second go around at parenting that I would be wiser, more patient, and just in general a better mother to Riley than I was to Elizabeth. The reality check for me is that I am just older and more tired! I have been emotionally, spiritually, and physically depleted at times. However, I do feel we are slowly turning the tide and figuring out our sweet girl more each day and best how to parent her and still take care of ourselves individually, as a couple, and as a family.

When we took Riley to get her 2 year old pictures made, David and I got so emotional looking at her proofs and realizing this precious gift that we have been given and how far we have come with her in a few short months. I cannot even accurately put it into words. We LOVE her so much, as much as we do Elizabeth, but we still feel we are only beginning to really know her. Her personality is HUGE! She still doesn't talk as much as your typical American 2 year old, but she has no problem conveying her needs and wants to us. She is hilarious and makes us laugh, even as she exasperates us. You can pick up on some of her personality in these pictures. We had to wait an hour (even with an appointment) before these photos were taken. Riley was not in the best picture taking mode, but I love the results!